Where to Begin If You Want to Change Your Love Life in 2026

Early January is a busy time when you’re a dating and self-development coach, because many people feel motivated to use the new year as a reason to overhaul their love life.

I receive a lot of new client enquiries around this time. Some people know exactly what they want help with. Others only have a clear sense that something needs to change, but have no idea what.

They know they want different outcomes and to stop repeating the same patterns. They know they want to move out of confusion, exhaustion, dating-app nightmares and disappointment… into something better. But they feel lost or stuck.

Relationships are complex. Modern dating is a minefield. Attachment, trauma, communication, polarity, boundaries, chemistry, timing, body language, dating profiles - it can feel overwhelming to know what to work on first.

Often people:

• Jump from strategy to strategy trying to force different outcomes, or

• Do nothing because they don't know where to begin.

  
  

But, strategising often keeps people stuck in their head rather than coming into their body, and doing nothing... well, that usually doesn't work either.

A Different Starting Point

I spend at least an hour with a new client, listening to every detail of their story, to discern the best starting point. But for those of you I don’t have the pleasure of spending that hour with, my recommendation is not with new dating strategies, mindset hacks, or analysing past relationships.

It’s to start with your energy.

I don’t mean energy in an abstract or mystical sense. I mean your literal physical and emotional baseline energy. Relationships aren’t logical systems - they are energetic dances.

Good relationships aren't about quantity, they're about quality, and people feel your energy long before you speak. If you want to attract a good partner and build a lasting relationship, you need enough baseline energy to be able to regulate with someone else. Even the best relationships are triggering at times and without the ability to regulate, even if you find a relationship, it will likely struggle or break down over time.

Before we regulate with another person - before we attach, bond, or create safety - we must be able to regulate ourselves, and self-regulation is much harder when we’re already depleted from struggling for so long.

Research in psychology and neuroscience consistently shows that when we are low on physical or emotional energy, we are:

• More reactive

• More anxious or avoidant

• Less emotionally resilient

• More likely to fall into old patterns under stress

  
  

In other words: the state of your nervous system shapes how you relate.

Self-regulation - the ability to stay present, grounded and responsive rather than overwhelmed or shut down - is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction and emotional safety. And it’s always easier when you start with more energy in the system.

Step One: Notice What Depletes You

Begin by asking: What quietly drains my energy each day?

Common culprits include:

• Chronic worrying or rumination

• Doom-scrolling or compulsive phone use

• Poor or irregular sleep

• Over-giving or emotional over-functioning

• Staying mentally in relationships that no longer exist

  
  

None of these make you weak - they simply lower your baseline, and when your baseline is low, everything in love feels harder.

Write down your energy leaks. Awareness alone starts to shift things.

Step Two: Raise Your Baseline (Gently)

You don’t need a radical overhaul. Small, consistent shifts are far more effective for the nervous system than big promises you cant' sustain.

If you notice you spend three hours doom-scrolling, your first step might be to set a timer. If you worry constantly, give yourself a dedicated “worry window”: jot thoughts down during the day and know you’ll return to them later.

Other scientifically supported ways to raise baseline energy include:

• Sleep: improves emotional regulation and reduces threat sensitivity

• Nutrition: stable blood sugar and protein support mood and nervous system balance

• Movement: boosts endorphins and vagal tone

• Nature: lowers cortisol and improves wellbeing

• Journaling: reduces emotional load and increases clarity

  
  

These aren’t clichés - they’re foundational. When your energy rises, your relational capacity rises with it.

Relationships Are a Co-Regulated System

Healthy relationships aren’t about never being triggered. They’re about being able to return to regulation, alone and together.

If you can’t settle yourself when alone, relationships will feel overwhelming. If you can’t restore your energy, connection will feel like effort rather than nourishment.

This is why energy isn’t a “soft” place to begin - it’s an essential one.

Anchor Change in the Body, Not Just the Mind

One more piece matters, especially at the start of a new year.

Research in behavioural psychology shows that physical cues help anchor psychological change. Our brains use sensory and environmental markers to signal transitions and new identities.

Even small physical changes can help the body register:“Something is different now.”

So I always recommend changing something in your outer world as you begin your inner or behavioural change.

Examples include:

• Rearranging your bedroom

• Repainting a wall

• Buying new bedsheets

• Starting a new notebook or diary

• Getting a haircut

• Even changing something as small as your toothbrush

  
  

These acts create a context shift, which strengthens commitment and follow-through by linking intention to environment. You’re not just deciding to change - you're embodying it.

A Final Note

You don’t need to solve your entire love life in one go. 2026 is a whole year long and starting somewhere that increases your capacity dramatically reduces the chances of burning out or slipping back into old habits.

When your energy is stronger, better choices become possible, not forced.

If this year is about doing things differently in love, let it begin with the conditions that make real change possible.

My own New Year’s resolution is to write more blogs and share more YouTube content. So far, so good… although it may simply be because I spent the first four days of January raising my baseline energy by snuggling my dog in bed. Any excuse.

If you’d like more support getting started or guidance personalised to your situation, I’m offering a special New Year 50-minute insight session for new clients for £99 until 31st January. To book, email info@minnie-lane.com.

Happy 2026. May you become full to the brim with love.